Post by jenniearcheo on Jan 8, 2007 14:23:21 GMT -5
Howdy.
The Sea of Death
14th paragraph (which begins, "Susan has already found her way to the pyramid")
"but there seems to be no windows or doors." seem
15th paragraph
"part of a defense barrier to keep stranger out." strangers
29th paragraph (which begins, "The man in the habit is revealed to be an ordinary man")
"Ian assumes he is a prisoner her, held captive by the creatures." here
"Then, he promises he will explain everything." Add comma after promises.
The Velvet Web
1st paragraph
"The Doctor councils caution" This should really be "counsels".
"All 3 cover their eyes and ears, moving further inside " Add full stop. Also, throughout there are numerals used instead of written-out numbers, which looks jarring and webspeak-like. I'll point them out if you'd like to change them. To "All three" in this case.
10th paragraph
"to make them see things how they really are." This should probably be "as" rather than "how".
13th paragraph
"heads for the hears of the city" heart
14th paragraph
"After 1 more exposure" Change to "one".
The Snows of Terror
29th paragraph (which begins "The tunnel is a short slope")
"Ian councils caution" Should again be "counsels."
Sentence of Death
5th paragraph
"No one has seen him for 2 days." Change to "two".
8th paragraph
"Ian will be executed 3 days from the end of this hearing." Change to "three".
9th paragraph
"the judges are concerned that this visitor is unfamiliar with their local laws to mount an adequate defense." This would sound better as "not sufficiently familiar." Your call.
"the Doctor is given 2 days." Change to "two".
10th paragraph
"The Doctor has 2 days" Change to "two".
"They are to meet back here in 3 hours." Change to "three".
13th paragraph
"It seems hard to believe that they key could have been hidden" the
17th paragraph
"Kala says it is one of only 5 in the entire universe" Change to "five".
21st paragraph
"He announces that the true murder is in the courtroom" murderer
28th paragraph
"The execution is scheduled not for 3 days hence" Change to "three".
________________________
Wow! Action and adventure, and then a murder mystery/courtroom drama. Too cool!
The Sea of Death
14th paragraph (which begins, "Susan has already found her way to the pyramid")
"but there seems to be no windows or doors." seem
15th paragraph
"part of a defense barrier to keep stranger out." strangers
29th paragraph (which begins, "The man in the habit is revealed to be an ordinary man")
"Ian assumes he is a prisoner her, held captive by the creatures." here
"Then, he promises he will explain everything." Add comma after promises.
The Velvet Web
1st paragraph
"The Doctor councils caution" This should really be "counsels".
"All 3 cover their eyes and ears, moving further inside " Add full stop. Also, throughout there are numerals used instead of written-out numbers, which looks jarring and webspeak-like. I'll point them out if you'd like to change them. To "All three" in this case.
10th paragraph
"to make them see things how they really are." This should probably be "as" rather than "how".
13th paragraph
"heads for the hears of the city" heart
14th paragraph
"After 1 more exposure" Change to "one".
The Snows of Terror
29th paragraph (which begins "The tunnel is a short slope")
"Ian councils caution" Should again be "counsels."
Sentence of Death
5th paragraph
"No one has seen him for 2 days." Change to "two".
8th paragraph
"Ian will be executed 3 days from the end of this hearing." Change to "three".
9th paragraph
"the judges are concerned that this visitor is unfamiliar with their local laws to mount an adequate defense." This would sound better as "not sufficiently familiar." Your call.
"the Doctor is given 2 days." Change to "two".
10th paragraph
"The Doctor has 2 days" Change to "two".
"They are to meet back here in 3 hours." Change to "three".
13th paragraph
"It seems hard to believe that they key could have been hidden" the
17th paragraph
"Kala says it is one of only 5 in the entire universe" Change to "five".
21st paragraph
"He announces that the true murder is in the courtroom" murderer
28th paragraph
"The execution is scheduled not for 3 days hence" Change to "three".
________________________
Wow! Action and adventure, and then a murder mystery/courtroom drama. Too cool!