Post by jenniearcheo on Jan 1, 2007 11:50:39 GMT -5
Hello again,
I've begun reading through your synopses, and they're lots of fun. I'm learning quite a bit about the history of the show, etc.
Anyhow, I do hope you don't mind me making notes like these. Part of my job is copyediting text, so things like this tend to jump out at me.
The Dead Planet
2nd paragraph
"Susan has found a flower on the ground in perfect condition, even retaining a little of its colour. Ian kneels to help her pick the fragile planet whilst . . ."
I think this is "plant" rather than "planet."
19th paragraph
"The next morning, after a quick check of the scanner, the group is ready to depart. Ian reminds the Doctor that finding mercury is their only goal. They it's straight back to the ship."
"Then"?
The Survivors
4th paragraph
"Susan agrees, urging her grandfather not to waste anymore time."
No biggie, but I'd break them into two words.
14th paragraph
"Their suspicious of Dalek treachery confirmed,"
"suspicions"?
The Ambush
2nd paragraph
"They enter the reception area and the door closes behind them without further incidence."
There is always the possibility that this is a difference in English and American usage. (Being married to a Briton, I am well aware that there are many such differences.) However, I do think this should either be "incident" or "incidents".
The Ordeal
7th paragraph
"Ian prepares to bring down another rope down to haul him up,"
I'd just pick one down and delete the other.
Anyhow, please let me know if you want me to leave off scrutinising these.
Thanks,
Jennie
I've begun reading through your synopses, and they're lots of fun. I'm learning quite a bit about the history of the show, etc.
Anyhow, I do hope you don't mind me making notes like these. Part of my job is copyediting text, so things like this tend to jump out at me.
The Dead Planet
2nd paragraph
"Susan has found a flower on the ground in perfect condition, even retaining a little of its colour. Ian kneels to help her pick the fragile planet whilst . . ."
I think this is "plant" rather than "planet."
19th paragraph
"The next morning, after a quick check of the scanner, the group is ready to depart. Ian reminds the Doctor that finding mercury is their only goal. They it's straight back to the ship."
"Then"?
The Survivors
4th paragraph
"Susan agrees, urging her grandfather not to waste anymore time."
No biggie, but I'd break them into two words.
14th paragraph
"Their suspicious of Dalek treachery confirmed,"
"suspicions"?
The Ambush
2nd paragraph
"They enter the reception area and the door closes behind them without further incidence."
There is always the possibility that this is a difference in English and American usage. (Being married to a Briton, I am well aware that there are many such differences.) However, I do think this should either be "incident" or "incidents".
The Ordeal
7th paragraph
"Ian prepares to bring down another rope down to haul him up,"
I'd just pick one down and delete the other.
Anyhow, please let me know if you want me to leave off scrutinising these.
Thanks,
Jennie